Fell on Black Days

Has the honeymoon period ended? "So soon!" you say. Yes, friends, the age of difficulty and disillusionment may be upon us.

I have two cooperating teachers. One, I like a lot and I wish she'd give me constructive criticism (so far, all I've been told is "be more mean!") and I wish she'd be more present in the classroom to see how I'm doing, but she's in and out and altogether not around. The other--she's just okay, I guess, she means well--but she is THERE ALL THE TIME and constantly interrupting my instruction to tell the class about how what we're reading relates to her home country in Africa in these 10-minute tangents, and my students are very "we don't care."

There are 13 students enrolled in my 6th period class. Today, four showed up. And one left early. TO MAKE THINGS EVEN BETTER, the student who asked to leave early didn't even ask me--she asked my cooperating teacher. Who said yes. Without consulting me or telling me what was going on. Consequently, I couldn't collect that student's homework.

IT GETS BETTER.

I have no desk, or place to put my crap. I mentioned this, right? As a result, I feel like I'm constantly disorganized because there is no place for me to put my stuff when I'm teaching. Today, my university advisor suggested that I keep my belongings in the department office and I almost started laughing because DEPARTMENT OFFICE? We don't even have a teacher's lounge!

Also, whose great idea was it to have students read a 400-page novel about agrarian China in the early 20th century??? It is day one of reading the novel and my kids are already bored to tears. The book gets better once you get into it--and I told them as much--but they seem unconvinced. I can't blame them. I know that a great teacher can make even the dullest material come alive, blah blah blah and all that other Dead Poets Society crap--but throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm new at this! Don't make me teach something that students are immediately finding to be boring and irrelevant and obscure!

Today, I had a student say, "When can we read something else?" And I almost, but didn't, say, "In another 390 pages." But it's true; I doubt my coordinating teacher would appreciate it if I switched gears completely mid-stream. Because I'd much rather teach Things Fall Apart or Night or some other piece of shorter, more accessible World Literature, and instead I am mired in the fields of China for the rest of my forseeable life.

Hoo boy. Okay.

So. Let's look at the bright side:
1) I still love my students.
2) It's Thursday, and I had my seminar, and then came home to my wonderful husband making spaghetti sauce from scratch.
3) Tomorrow is Friday.
4) Figs are still in season.